T-Wingers For Life
By Pam McCormick ’74
“Good relationships keep us healthier and happier. Period.”
—The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (2023)
When you were a child, did you ever imagine any friendships lasting 50 years—or even longer?
For all of us, even as adults, as we get to know someone, we can never predict how long the friendship will last.
My mother treasured her friendships. She gave them loving attention with frequent phone calls, handwritten notes and birthday cards. She sustained that commitment throughout her life, and, as a result, enjoyed many long-term friendships. She was especially close with a group of classmates from Northwestern University, women who had graduated in 1943.
For her 85th birthday—one year after moving to a retirement community—she wanted to bring those college friends together one more time. Sixty-five years after they met, six women reunited for a luncheon. I was there to witness each one gratefully and joyfully celebrating the group’s long-shared history.
When I was a child, I thought of my parents as being “old” and my grandparents as simply “older.” I didn’t have the capacity to understand the concept of a lifespan nor the depth and meaning of my mother’s abiding friendships. Fortunately, since then, I have gained my own treasure of long friendships.
I remember the September day in 1970 when my parents accompanied me to SMC to begin my college career. I was 17, wearing a sunshine-yellow-and-white checked culotte romper. My long hair was in pigtails. With 25 others, I was assigned to the rear wing on the third floor of Holy Cross Hall, a T-shaped dorm. We were all freshmen randomly paired with strangers, roommates, living in small spaces. We also shared an odd blend of excitement, anxiety, freedom and curiosity.
Oh, those freshman-year memories! Bell bottoms and beanbag chairs. Classes and concerts. Red velvet cake from Dainty Maid Bakery for birthdays (and made-up occasions, too). The An Tostal tug-of-war in a mud pit. Singing Frank Sinatra’s L-O-V-E, shaping our arms and legs into letters as we crooned. A bus ride downtown, returning with a full-size male mannequin from the Army / Navy Surplus Store. We named him “GI Joe.” Imagine the places where he surprised people!
Gradually we became “T-Wingers.” The name helped us bond and stay connected through time and challenges.
Disruptions came early. Sophomore year some of us stayed in Holy Cross, others dispersed to different dorms. And junior year, with the un-merger of SMC and ND, eight T-Wingers transferred to ND. Still, we shuttled between campuses to be with our friends.
These were friends who knew me in ways my family did not. They were there as I developed as a person, made decisions that mattered, and tussled with existential questions. As we matured, these relationships helped sustain us and give us a sense of continuity.
- Pam McCormick '74
These were friends who knew me in ways my family did not. They were there as I developed as a person, made decisions that mattered, and tussled with existential questions like Who am I? Who am I in this group? My community? The world? As we matured, these relationships helped sustain us and give us a sense of continuity.
It’s been important for me to tend to these relationships because I saw the potential outcome. I valued what my mother had: Love and support over a lifetime, and quality time with quality people.
As my mother did before me, I’ve put effort into maintaining friendships. I frequently send cards and hand-written notes. For their 70th birthdays, T-Wingers got a pair of festive socks. During the 2020 pandemic I organized Zoom calls and even hosted a virtual gelato-making class with chefs in Sorrento, Italy. Across time zones T-Wingers joined in from California to Ohio to Massachusetts.
Over the years we’ve had mini-reunions in Washington, DC, New York, Cape Cod and Las Vegas. Anticipating the payoff, I enjoyed the coordinating and planning. I was honored when Pat Olvany Hodson told me, “You’re the glue that binds us T-Wingers together!” We created collective memories: walks on beaches and city streets, lots of laughing, cooking meals, and attending Mass.
In post-college decades we shared successes: weddings, professional achievements, children, grandchildren. We also shared challenges and losses: divorce, chemo, risky medical procedures, deaths. Several T-Wingers told me how important shared comfort and understanding were after the loss of siblings and parents, some of whom we had met in college and on occasions afterwards. Through it all, with phone calls, notes, texts and in person, T-Wingers loyally companioned each other.
Months before our 50th reunion, online connections ramped up, as we anticipated being together. Our core group was 12, but I hoped for more. Mary Clare Molidor and I began sleuthing beyond the alumnae records and tracked down other addresses. Three months before reunion weekend, I sent out 24 handwritten invitations.
Women in our ’74 class who transferred to ND have always been invited to reunions at both schools. For me, due to the un-merger, it evokes mixed feelings. Programs and dinners occur simultaneously, and friends are on both campuses. So we navigate as best we can, just as we did long ago.
Two hours before the first scheduled event, 15 of us met for a mini-reunion. Some had not been in contact or seen one another for over 50 years. Mary Clare and I had an impromptu ceremony, giving everyone a pin we designed. We moved en masse to the College-hosted BBQ. After that we crammed into Pat Snow Hession’s hotel room. Saturday we toured T-Wing together. We posed for photos with roommates.
Long live T-Winger friendships!
Friendships require effort to maintain. Without regular care, they fade away. As Zen master John Tarrant wrote, “Attention is the most basic form of love.” [The Light Inside the Dark, 1998]
Before my mom died at age 98, she was still in touch with friends, including two remaining from college days. Now I’m in touch with them, and the legacy continues, with gratitude and joy.
April 23, 2025